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If you’re still clinging to your vibrator, more power to you. But there's now a wealth of choice on the market available to those who — like me — are over it, and that’s really exciting. But now, toys like the Uni — ones that don’t buzz but instead offer other types of sensations — are on the rise. For a long time, vibrators were a woman or person with a vulva’s first port of call when it came to self pleasure, or adding a toy to partnered sex to elevate sensations.

As they fumble along and learn, watchdogs like Internet of Dongs have sprung up in an attempt to keep track of the risks and help consumers. But sex toy companies, like most IoT companies, are still largely left to police themselves. "In the IoT space, [teledildonics] is one of the biggest threats that exists," says Amie Stepanovich, US policy manager at the nonprofit advocacy group Access Now. Researchers have demonstrated how easy it is to hack into popular products time and again. "These devices, like other IoT devices, are being produced by companies that have never connected products to the internet before," Stepanovich says.

Unfortunately, the suction feels somewhat weak