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She’d like to see companies bake in the ability for a person to stop the flow of data to and from their device at any time. None of the experts WIRED spoke to were aware of any real-world incidents of hacking into smart sex toys. "Because there likely has not been a real world situation yet we still have time to prevent and anticipate the consequences," says Stepanovich. Munro notes it would be really hard to know if this had happened, unless hackers had taken the data and used it in a sextortion scheme.

And don’t limit yourself to only considering the toys marketed as couples toys. As Engle says, "Any toy can be used as a couples toy," so it may be helpful to expand beyond the mindset of products that put an emphasis on use during penetration only. Or perhaps you might want to start out with something as simple as a massage oil candle rather than motorized toys. Ultimately, of course, communication is key to figuring out what you’re both comfortable with—and the type of products that you’ll each derive the most pleasure from. The Eva is marketed as a couples vibrator, since it can securely stay in place during intercourse. Customers note that getting the hang of its use with a partner may take some trial and error, but rave about the power this one packs for its size, particularly at the highest of its three settings.

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That FOMO you describe will be with you, regardless of which path you take, until you tackle where the FOMO is coming from itself. The transparency you want to proceed with requires introspection on your end about these subjects. From there, it might take some time (or it might happen on your first date) to find someone who is as open to discussing the details of sex and dating desires as you are. Safer dating guidelines include letting a trusted friend know where you are, who you’re with, and when to expect to hear from you. If you go to their home or a hotel, let your trusted friend know about the change in location and keep track of where your belongings are in case you need to grab your purse and shoes and exit quickly. There are dating sites and apps that attract people who are looking for, or even simply open to, the kind of casual sex you say you’re looking for.

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